Pets Online

Dear Scott, Should pets have their own blogs? My dogs found out about a cat with a blog and now they are terribly jealous. - PiB

I'm glad you asked. Coincidentally, the cat living with with my wife and I (Basil) has his own blog. He's been much happier within himself since he started posting, so I recommend your pets start one if that's what they want.

We have a dog who doesn't have a blog, but computers and stuff aren't really his thing. I guess it really depends on the pet.

Let me know if your dogs start their own blogs. I'd be keen to see it. I think Basil would like to read it too.

Prenuptial Shaving

How many times during the week before one's wedding should one shave their face? (Assuming one is male and one shaves on the day of their wedding.) - Franco

I have spent a long time pondering this question. I've decided you should shave three times in the week preceding one's wedding.

Once about five days before, to get your face used to being shaved if it's been a while.

The second time a couple of days before, to make sure you can shave without getting a rash.

Then again on the morning of the big day.

I hope this advice isn't too late.

Good timing

I don't know how familiar you are with domestic chores but I need an answer to this. When is the best time to turn my socks out-side-out? Is it (a) as soon as I take them off, (b) before putting them in the wash, (c) before hanging them out to dry, (d) before putting them away, or (e) before putting them on? And why? Also, same question for t-shirts. My clothes-line is indoors so fading is not an issue. "Who cares, that's woman's work" is not an acceptable answer. :) - Simon

This is a household chore I'm particularly particular about. The best time to turn your socks out-side-out is:-

(e) before putting them on.

This is because the socks will usually be stuck together after being bundled up in the drawer. The process of turning them out prepares the socks for easy pulling onto your feet.

With t-shirts, the answer is:-

(d) before putting them away.

When you fold your t-shirts, you should fold them in such a way that the design on the front is easily seen. By all means, if your t-shirts are inside out, you can guess the one you're after by the colour/textile of the material. However, you probably have multiple t-shirts the same colour/textile, making it hard to tell them apart. Also, the colour may have faded or the textile become rougher due to old age, making it harder to recognise your desired t-shirt.

So, save yourself time. Don't struggle while putting socks on. Don't waste precious seconds unfolding t-shirts only to fold them again. Follow my advice. It's the best on the web.

PS. I will endevour to steer away from the chauvinism that may have been interpreted in the Dirty Shower Scene post. Appologies to anyone who may have been offended.

Dirty shower scene

Our bathroom's disgustingly filthy. What should we do? - Mary

I'm glad you asked. This is a little outside my expansive field of expertise. However, I'll try to answer to the best of my ability.

On occasion, (for instance, while needing to wash my hands after working on the car or some other manly task), I've tried to go into the bathroom while my wife is cleaning. This is what I've observed:-

1. You must wear rubber gloves. Preferably pink.
2. You must wear one of your other halve's favourite rock and roll t-shirts.
3. You must use chemicals that burn your nasal hairs.
4. You must tell anyone who tries entering to use the kitchen sink instead.
5. You must tell any pet who tries entering to go and play with your other half.

Now here's my advice... give this list to your other half and see how he goes.

Wet bed

I haven't had sex in a long time but have met someone over the Internet. We chat and txt and I try and make myself orgasm 4 him. I haven't managed to yet but this morning when I tried, my bed was wet! What did I do wrong and how do I stop it? - Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your difficult situation. I'm quite an expert in this area, as it happens. Unfortunately, yours is a common problem, especially at this usually dry time of the year. What's happened is; you've left the window open and it rained during the night.

There are three popular methods for preventing this from happening again.

1) Keep the window shut, even when it looks like a clear night.

2) Move your bed away from the window if you must have it open.

3) Erect a waterproof "tent" over your bed. About 20 garbage bags sticky taped together should do the trick.

Lunch

What should I have for lunch tomorrow? - Tim

This is an interesting problem Tim. You should eat what you feel is right for you. Don't be persuaded by others. It's very important you don't make this decision lightly, as it will hugely effect your movements later on.